Yes a cartoonist is behind the oil spill and rising prices. BP is off the hook (they wish!!). His comic would not last much longer if it were still around (I wish it still was though)

Oh one needs a keyword. all of the keywords will be: lock. Ironic no?

these are EXTREMELY difficult to solve without hints so I’ll give some.

1. (hint keyword+ceaser table) ZBG_NZKP

2. (hint Don’t ___ me in) gjodo ob

3. (first letter q plain first letter ‘ encipher) frg ap. irre!

answers in a week

Note the Iwoot thing in a cloud. There is your AD. HAPPY!?

New species of flower discovered! Kinda wrinkly though.

No soy un salchicha!

Oh lets see if i save your life in a fire NOW.

Wind Waker cat link not catty enough?

No comment.

46,45,55 42,47,59,57 64,69,56,51 68,46 62,48

HINT: Ciphers are: keyword, bacon, ceaser shift, lamentations.

SILENCE IS THE VIRTUE OF FOOLS

this next one was made by me but I talked about it in a much earlier post check around the archives.

75,30,65 57,25,31,64,38,13 33,44,32,70 61,26,29,58

Oh this cipher is very well known

EHHQ DURXQG VLQFH E.F.

I’ll just give you those three for now answer in a week

‘I have just the dog for you,’ said the shopkeeper to Rory, smiling, showing him an Affenpinscher. [Toy dog breed]

‘That little toy couldn’t frighten a fly,’ exclaimed Rory. ‘It’s far too little.’

‘Don’t you believe it, he knows karate,’ the shopkeeper replied hastily. ‘I’ll show you.’ With that, he pointed to a cardboard box and ordered, ‘Karate the box.’

Straightaway the little fellow smashed the box to pieces. The salesman then pointed to an old wooden chair and instructed, ‘Karate the chair.’ In seconds, the dog reduced the chair to matchsticks. Absolutely amazed, Rory bought the dog.

When he got home, Rory announced to Martha that he had bought the guard dog she had demanded. She took one look at the Appenpinscher and was singularly unimpressed. ‘That fluffy little creature thing couldn’t knock the skin off a rice pudding,’ Martha sneered.

‘You just wait and see,’ answered Rory confidently, ‘this Appenpinscher is a karate expert.’

‘The trouble with you, Rory,’ continued his wife scornfully, ‘is that you always believe anything a salesman tells you. ‘Karate, my foot.’

These are the answers from dogs when asked “How many dogs does it take to put in a light bulb?”

Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day is young, we’ve got our whole lives ahead of us, and you’re inside worrying about a burned-out light bulb?

Border Collie: Just one. And I’ll replace any wiring that’s not up to code.

Dachshund: I can’t reach the lamp!

Toy Poodle: I’ll just blow in the Border collie’s ear and he’ll do it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry.

Rottweiler: Go Ahead! Make me!

Shi-tzu: Puh-leeze, dah-ling. Let the servants. . . .

Lab: Oh, me, me!!! Pleeeeeeze let me change the light bulb! Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Can I?

Malamute: Let the Border collie do it. You can feed me while he’s busy.

Doberman Pinscher: While it’s dark, I’m going to sleep on the couch.

Mastiff: Mastiffs are NOT afraid of the dark.

Hound Dog: ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

Chihuahua: Yo quiero Taco Bulb.

Pointer: I see it, there it is, right there…

Greyhound: It isn’t moving. Who cares?

Old English Sheep Dog: Light bulb? Light bulb? That thing I just ate was a light bulb?

A local business was looking for office help. They put a sign in the window, stating the following: “HELP WANTED. Must be able to type, must be good with a computer and must be bilingual. We are an Equal Opportunity Employer.”

A short time afterwards, a dog trotted up to the window, saw the sign and went inside. He looked at the receptionist and wagged his tail, then walked over to the sign, looked at it and whined.

Getting the idea, the receptionist got the office manager. The office manager looked at the dog and was surprised, to say the least. However, the dog looked determined, so he lead him into the office. Inside, the dog jumped up on the chair and stared at the manager.

The manager said, “I can’t hire you. The sign says you have to be able to type.” The dog jumped down, went to the typewriter and proceeded to type out a perfect letter. He took out the page and trotted over to the manager and gave it to him, then jumped back on the chair. The manager was stunned, but then told the dog, “The sign says you have to be good with a computer.”

The dog jumped down again and went to the computer. The dog proceeded to demonstrate his expertise with various programs and produced a sample spreadsheet and database and presented them to the manager. By this time the manager was totally dumb-founded! He looked at the dog and said, “I realize that you are a very intelligent dog and have some interesting abilities. However, I *still* can’t give you the job.”

The dog jumped down and went to a copy of the sign and put his paw on the sentences that told about being an Equal Opportunity Employer. The manager said, “Yes, but the sign *also* says that you have to be bilingual.”

The dog looked at him straight in the face and said, “Meow.”

8 Reasons Why It’s Great to be a Dog.

1. Personal hygiene is a blast: No one expects you to take a bath every day, and you don’t even have to comb your own hair.
2. Having a wet nose is considered a sign of good health.
3. No one thinks less of you for passing gas. Some people might actually think you’re cute.
4. Who needs a big home entertainment system? A bone or an old shoe can entertain you for hours.
5. You can spend hours just smelling stuff.
6. No one ever expects you to pay for lunch or dinner. You never have to worry about table manners, and if you gain weight, it’s someone else’s fault.
7. It doesn’t take much to make you happy. You’re always excited to see the same old people. All they have to do is leave the room for five minutes and come back.
8. Every garbage can looks like a cold buffet to you.

(Sometimes known as the 4th law of Thermodynamics).

Murphy’s law has been traced back to a Captain Edward A. Murphy, an American engineer at Muroc, California (later named Edwards Air Force Base).  In 1949 he was working on a project to test the effects of sudden braking.  Time after time his machinery failed, exasperated he said of his technician, ‘If there is any way to do it wrong, he’ll  find it.’ John Paul Stapp picked up on Murphy’s phrase and used at a press conference.

As with any good idea, Murphy’s Law can be adapted and extended.

1st Amendment
If there is a possibility of several things going wrong, the one that will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong.

2nd Amendment
If you realize that there are three possible ways in which something can go wrong, and cover them all, then a fourth, unprepared for way, will miraculously appear out of thin air.

3rd Amendment
When something breaks, the parts damaged are in direct proportion to their value.

4th Amendment
The failure does not appear until the machinery has passed its final inspection.

5th Amendment
When you drop a part, it always rolls into the darkest corner.

Last Amendment to Murphy’s law
Any attempt to print out this copy of Murphy’s law will crash the computer. (survived this o…

Examples:

• Your lost needle will be found by your husband when he is walking around barefoot.
• The worst pupil in any class will be a school governor’s son.
• Uniforms only come in two sizes, too large and too small.
• Vital documents that were posted with no errors, will develop errors in the mail.
• The other queue always moves faster.
• In order to get a bank loan, you must first prove that you don’t need the money.
• The classic example of Murphy’s law:  If you drop a piece of toast it always falls buttered side down.

Other Murphy’s law-type laws

Finagle’s Rider
Anything that can go wrong, will—at the worst possible moment.

Forsyth’s Corollary
Just when you see the light at the end of the tunnel, the roof caves in.

Gumperson’s Law
The probability of anything happening is in inverse ratio to its desirability.

Zymurgy’s Law
Once you open a can of worms, the only way to re-can them is to use a larger can.

Hanlon’s Razor
Never assume malice when stupidity will suffice.

Brook’s Law
Adding manpower to a project that is behind schedule will delay it further.

Inverse of Murphy’s Law

If something does go right subsequent events will show that it would have been better if it had gone wrong.

The D.I.Y. law

Any project will require at least two journeys to the hardware shop.

If you need more than one item (pair, four, etc) the probability that one will be damaged or the wrong colour is directly proportional to the desire or need of the object.

You always need more paint.

You never have enough nails, screws or glue.

The likelihood that you will complete a weekend project before the end of the weekend decreases with when you actually start the project.

Therefore: Any plumbing project started after 4pm on Sunday will require an emergency call to the plumber to get the water running again.

To estimate the amount of time needed to complete a project: estimate the amount of time needed, multiply by two and use the next highest unit. Hence: A one hour task will take at least two days to complete.

More Murphy law examples:

1. Law of Mechanical Repair – After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you’ll have to go to the rest room.
2. Law of Gravity – Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
3. Law of Probability – The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.
4. Law of Random Numbers – If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.
5. Law of the Alibi – If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.
6. Variation Rider – If you change queues or traffic lanes, the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now. This also works in supermarkets and shops.
7. Law of the Bath – When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.
8. Decree of Close Encounters – The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don’t want to be seen with. This is also the case if you are female and you have gone out with no makeup and wearing your worst clothes and with greasy hair.
9. Murphy’s Office Law – When you try to prove to someone that a machine won’t work, it will. Will also finds this when he shows someone that something on the computer is easy and it doesn’t work.
10. Law of Biomechanics – The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

    ♪

11. Law of the Theatre – At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.
12. The Starbucks Edict – As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.
13. Murphy’s Law of Lockers -If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.
14. Law of Physical Surfaces -The chances of an open-faced marmalade sandwich landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet.
15. The Conundrum of Logical Argument – Anything is possible if you don’t know what you are talking about.
16. Brown’s Law of Physical Appearance – If the shoe fits, it’s ugly.
17. Oliver’s Rule of Public Speaking - A closed mouth gathers no feet.
18. Wilson’s Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy – As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.
19. Doctors’ Law- If you don’t feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you’ll feel better. Don’t make an appointment and you’ll stay sick.
20. The Computer Law – If you don’t save things on your computer you will, sooner rather than later, delete them.

Occam’s razor

Simple you work at very elaborate machine. I.e. A race car. And everything breaks down while your neighbor’s simple car does perfectly and wins the race.

I didn’t post anything Sunday because I was busy.

Three guys, stranded on a desert island, find a magic lantern containing a genie, who grants them each one wish. The first guy wishes he was off the island and back home. The second guy wishes the same. The third guy says “I’m lonely. I wish my friends were back here.”

A guy is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can. Three years later, there’s a knock on the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says “What was that all about?”

A village in the alps was popular because of their village loon. The man when offered a nickle or a dime he would always choose the nickel. They say it was because he thought the nickle was better because it was bigger. One day a man came up to him and said “Do you know that a dime is worth more than a nickle?” The loon replied “Yea but if I choose the dime they’ll stop giving me free money.”

A guy has a talking dog. He brings it to a talent scout. “This dog can speak English,” he claims to the unimpressed agent. “Okay, Sport,” the guys says to the dog, “what’s on the top of a house?” “Roof!” the dog replies. “Oh, come on…” the talent agent responds. “All dogs go ‘roof’.” “No, wait,” the guy says. He asks the dog “what does sandpaper feel like?” “Rough!” the dog answers. The talent agent gives a condescending blank stare. He is losing his patience. “No, hang on,” the guy says. “This one will amaze you. ” He turns and asks the dog: “Who, in your opinion, was the greatest baseball player of all time?” “Ruth!” goes the dog. And the talent scout, having seen enough, boots them out of his office onto the street. And the dog turns to the guy and says “Maybe I shoulda said DiMaggio?”

Now, doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, in most cases he just passes quietly away and doesn’t know anything about it until the next morning?

Q: What happened then?
A: He told me, he says, “I have to kill you because you can identify me.”
Q: Did he kill you?

Was it you or your brother that was killed in the war?

The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?

Were you alone or by yourself?

How long have you been a French Canadian?

Q: I show you exhibit 3 and ask you if you recognize that picture.
A: That’s me.
Q: Were you present when that picture was taken?

Were you present in court this morning when you were sworn in?

Q: Now, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?

Q: Mrs. Jones, do you believe you are emotionally stable?
A: I used to be.
Q: How many times have you committed suicide?

So you were gone until you returned?

Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there girls?

You don’t know what it was, and you didn’t know what it looked like, but can you describe it?

Q: You say that the stairs went down to the basement?
A: Yes.
Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?

Q: Have you lived in this town all your life?
A: Not yet.

Q: Do you recall approximately the time that you examined the body of Mr. Edington at the Rose Chapel?
A: It was in the evening. The autopsy started about 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Edington was dead at the time, is that correct?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy!

Q: Did you check for a heartbeat before the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Breathing?
A: No.
Q: So was there a possibility of him being alive when you did the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure?
A: His brain was sitting in a jar on my desk.
Q: But could he still have been alive?
A: Yes, he could have been studying law somewhere.